Near The Edge

Once long ago I walked too near
other people and thier ways ......where an abyss opened wide
in it's welcoming......The caress of an open
world was too much for my soul. And I ......
I retreated to the safety of solitude .......
In solitude I stayed for just a little too
long..........and it became me...... I relished
in it's very essence .......I was addicted to
aloneness and we became one......
And now ...slowly like a child unknowing of
all things good emerging in a vast world of people
........I move guardedly and stay well away from
the others.....
I live near the edge now.......
where I know my footing....and my paths...
they cross occasionally with the others.
But I ......I like it here...........

 Where is my center ........I can search for all
time ......till the end of the play.
And then who knows ......it may never be
for me  to know that place or the way.

Our journals may show  for others a map
and on that page what will matter.
Unwritten though in the ways of others
the language you used is only chatter.

To know an hour of natures content is where
I found my  solitary surprises.
There ...swaying in the arms of her
bosom my heart finally surmises.

The angels of the quiet ones have decended
.......soothing my worn and battered mind.
If they choose to leave me here alone
then maybe my  morning light will shine.

I asked her if only she could stay here with me
her ways and mine are the same.
As she rose above the garden though
 her smiles remind me again.

"In life we are alone ......when we're born
and  as well when we die."........
In the end she left me knowing less though
no more searching for where and why.

Now when I come to this place to dwell on
the angels.....I leave with little fears.
For alone ........I found my simple pleasures
and alone is where I spend my years.

Find your center in alone ..........and then and
only then....... some way to share it.
Don't look for life's  answers  in someone else
there souls may never spare it.

This journey........ is yours alone.

Today I feel alone ...revelling in the depths perhaps
of self pity.......and let it be so .
It should be our choice to stand alone when needed
to dwell where ever we chose to go.

Watching from above at the head of the cliffs
the dizzying oceans of people below.
Of the few that know my needs and it is
them who allow me my space..... I know.

Once and awhile I dream of just letting go
to land where ever I would away .....away..
Perhaps along the old rail lines to end my
journey's .....another place another day.

To walk wherever they take me ....letting
the rusting iron lead ...... I'll follow.
Till no more would I feel compelled
no longer this long empty hollow.

Perhaps I would meet a real friend one
that's needs......... are as my own.
Never as likely ......as the past has often
shown ........my loners will renoun.

Such contradictions within........the cost I suppose
.......of having a decent heart?
Why then ......why then this need.... this curse
when will the oceans fulfill thier part.....

I feel no compassion from them just their
constant consuming presence.
Nor can I fulfill thier needs any longer
my giving nature losing it's essence.

Staring off as the single wolf .......now I
understand his lonsome stare.
Needing the others can be his curse
step carefully .... baited traps lie there.

I often envy too those who hearts are
laid open for all to see .....such beautiful souls.
Though I suspect they too .....never know
the coming cost ....the impending tolls.

And besides it seems .....only me who suffers
the contradictions.
Perhaps thats why I often dream empty........
lost visions of a loners own predictions

Where are the words that convey
my hearts journey ...and when they
do speak  what is said,
what is felt or ever resolved.
There are  days I sit here with my fingers
brushing at the keys and no words
came at all.
In those moments there too
was a need.
Though the need was never met.
As I sit quietly in this
darkness beyond words
My heart knows only it's
search.
But not the answers.
Never the answers.